This blog will be essentially a presentation of my reviews of films, new and old, chosen basically at whim/random/what's hot in theaters. I will try and keep them short, mainly because I have lots I want to write about, but I will try and be as honest and helpful, while also being concise. I enjoy the genres of horror/thriller, drama, war/military, foreign/indie (I'm fluent in German), and exploitation the most, but I really like all genres, including comedies, romances, and classics, so expect reviews of the new hit movies, old classics, movies everyone should see, movies you've never heard of, and a variety of sick/disgusting/perverse exploitation films that are only for a select group of devoted shockspoltation fans. A preview of reviews to come, ind no particular order...(note: foreign films have the country of origin in parenthesis, and "new"movies have *asterisks* by them; new meaning from 2007, 2008, or 2009. All others hail from before 2007; those I consider to be "classics" are marked with ^carats^ and are not necessarily old movies, but standards that everyone should see, in my opinion.)...
- Twilight* and The Twilight Saga: New Moon*
- Sherlock Holmes*
- Paranormal Activity*
- The Hangover*
- Valkyrie*
- Der Untergang ("Downfall", Germany)
- Good-bye Lenin (Germany)
- House of 1000 Corpses** and The Devil's Rejects**
- Halloween* **(remake)
- Inglourious Basterds*
- Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2^
- From Dusk Till Dawn^
- Grindhouse presents...Planet Terror* & Death Proof*
- Ebola Syndrome** (China)
- Band of Brothers^ (mini-series)
- Apocalypse Now (Redux)^
- Full Metal Jacket^
- On Golden Pond^
- Dances with Wolves^
- The Rocky Horror Picture Show^ ** (UK)
- The Narrows*
- Rosemary's Baby^ **
- Salem's Lot^ (mini-series turned feature)
- The Exorcism of Emily Rose*
- Natural Born Killers^ **
- Valmont^
- Dead Snow* (Norway)
- Cannibal Holocaust**
- The Toxic Avenger** (original OR complete series...haven't yet decided.)
- Street Trash**
- Zombie** (aka Zombi II, Italy)
- Pulp Fiction^
- Jackie Brown^
- Shock Treatment**
- Logan's Run**
- The Hurt Locker*
- Halloween II* (remake)
- The Haunted World of El Superbeasto*
Now to the warnings. Some films, marked with **double asterisks** are very graphic, vulgar, obscene, shocking, and thoroughly repulsive in sexual, violence/gore, and profanity terms. These are the shocksploitation, slasher/splatter, exploitation, horror, etc. that are very graphic, disturbing, and frankly, not for MOST people. They also could just be really damn weird and freaky and groovy; they often are satires/spoofs, so those are the exception to the warning that follows. But they don't get a separate demarkation because I'm lazy. So be warned that although my reviews will probably be positive, that's not a cue to run off and get it at Blockbuster or off NetFlix. Not all the horror films on here will receive this special demarkation...only the truly vile ones, or the truly bizarre, confusing ones. Trust me, you won't want to go there, but I will write about them nonetheless because I like those sorts of movies, and this is my goddamn blog. So sue me or send me hatemail. I love hatemail. Oh, and if you don't like cussing...then fuck off, 'cuz this blog ain't for pussies. I call it as I see it, and that's the best and most authentic form of critique-journalism there is, so if I feel "fuck", "shit", "cunt", or any other cuss word, racial slur, or whatever is the best word choice for the situation, I'll use it pervasively and relentlessly and without restraint. If you're offended, remember...I LOVE HATEMAIL!
On the contrary, there are also lovely films that will be reviewed. Dramas, romances, romantic comedies...so those will balance out the gross films. But that doesn't mean I won't say "fuck" in a review of "Gone with the Wind," which by the way, I will NOT be reviewing. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't let the paragraph above this one frighten you. This blog will review ALL sorts of movies.
So now that all that's settled, and the kids have gone to bed and the pussies have run off the cry to mommy...let's have a fuckin' good time watching some badass films and writing reviews that'll make Roger Ebert weep and piss his diaper. We'll be brutal, we'll be honest, and we'll be controversial. Sound like you? Then this blog's FOR you!
Now that all that's settled, expect the first list of reviews to be completed within the next few weeks. To close, a few random quote snippets...
"war is a drug"--The Hurt Locker
"Me so horrrrny, me love you long-time!"--Full Metal Jacket
"Who's yer daddy?!"--House of 1000 Corpses
"Does your depravity know no bounds?"--Sherlock Holmes
"You don't know how long I've waited for you..."--Twilight
"Leaving you was the hardest thing I've done in a hundred years."--New Moon
"I am gonna KILL BILL."--Kill Bill
"I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard."--From Dusk Till Dawn
"So, let's discuss the prospect of ending the war tonight."--Inglourious Basterds
"Meine treue Heinrich" ("My loyal Heinrich [Himmler]")--Downfall
"You old poop."--On Golden Pond
With love,
*dr.cp*
